Gems of 2010

David: (watching me delete my IE caches for work) Delete cookies? Why in the world would you want to delete cookies, woman?! Are you mad?!
Me: ... they're temporary internet files, David.
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Journey: (upon discovering that I was baking a loaf of Italian bread to go with dinner on 12/30) Awh!
Me: Why 'awh'?
Journey: I wanted garlic cheese biscuits.
Me: Don't worry, we'll have them again next year.
Journey: Next year?!
Me: Mmh-hmm.
Journey: Oh wait, that's in two days.
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Me: (serving pancakes that I had attempted to make into interesting shapes) I tried to make everyones' initials and even some neat little shapes.
Journey: I've got a skull!
Me: ... that's supposed to be a heart, Bebee.
Journey: ... oh.
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Me: Have you been eating the lasagna in the fridge recently?
David: Yeah, why?
Me: It was old. I'm throwing it out.
David: It tasted fine to me!
Me: Great, now you're going to develop super powers. These things always start with radiation or toxic chemicals.
David: Yes!
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Journey: Mommy, why is that I can see my breath during the winter?
Me: That just means that you're maturing and your breath weapon is starting to develop.
Journey: Really?
Me: No, Bebee.
Journey: You're mean.
Me: Most likely.
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Me (As I'm leaving to pay rent, in my best Terminator voice): I'll be back.
David: And why you're gone maybe you should see someone about that terrible Russian accent.
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Me to Journey: Did you have fun playing with all of your new Littlest Pet Shops?
David (in his best girl voice): Yes, I did.
Me: So you play with pet shops now, huh?
David: NO!
Me: But you have the ferret ones....
David: Those aren't TOYS, those are COLLECTIBLES!
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David: How does this sewing machine work, anyway?
Me: Well, when it's plugged in you push on the pedal and guide the fabric. The machine feeds it through.
David: ... could I learn how to drive using this? All you're doing is pushing the pedal and steering, right?
Me: Well, I guess. I -
David: Hey Journey! I'm going to get my driver's license with Mom's sewing machine!
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*upon finding all of the Thanksgiving leftovers had already been gotten into*
David: Oh yeah, I did that last night. I sampled everything to make sure it was safe for the family.
Me: Checking for poisons?
David: It was for the safety of our family, mom.
Me: That was a noble deed, son
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Me: Are you two watching Magic School Bus?
David: Yes, yes we are. Magic School Bus is MANLY.
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David: Do you know what, mom? It must really suck to be an Italian vampire since they can't eat Italian food because it's seasoned with garlic.
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Me: David, walk with me to the laundry mat.
David: Awh, why?
Me: It's dark out.
David: You hit hard mom, you can take care of yourself.
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David: Mom, I want a rubber chicken. I will name it Fluffy.

Yuck

Lets go back a few years. About six I believe. We had just adopted our first pet ferret, Serg. He was still a baby and had not yet developed all of his adult teeth yet. They don't make canned ferret food, so you have to take the dry food and soak it in water until it is nice and mushy. I normally prepared it a plastic cup before dumping it into the food dish. It was a Saturday morning, the kids are awake and eating breakfast in the kitchen and I've just finished preparing the ferret food. I grab my cup of juice just to get a nice mouth full of ... well, yuck. I had grabbed the wrong cup. I immediatley start to gag.

Me: Oh gross! I just drank the ferret food by mistake!
6 year old David: This is the greatest day of my life! I've never seen my mom throw up before!

Have you ever tried to not throw up and laugh at the same time? Yeah, I hope you had better luck with that than I did.

Why?

After realizing that the majority of my facebook status updates are quotes of the outrageous things my kids say or do, it got me thinking. Either I really need to find some more interesting hobbies or I have some pretty awesome kids. I'm going with the latter.

This blog will be a compilation of all of the wacky, cute and over the top things that my children do and say; forever immortalized in a blog for all of the world to see.

(At the time of beginning this, my son David is almost thirteen years old and my daughter Journey is ten years old.)