Puberty is Scary

Me: Well, David, today you turn thirteen years old. Do you know what has already happened today?
David: What?
Me: An 8.9 earthquake has hit Japan causing a tsunami that threatened from the Philippines to Canada, including Hawaii. And a volcano erupted in Indonesia.*
David: Wow!
Journey: I saw a video someone took during the earthquake, it was scary!
Me: Yep, so I just want you to know, that for your birthday you got control over the elements.
David: Is that it?
Me: No, I got you other presents as well.
David: Presents-presents-presents!
Me: But you'll get them later. You have to earn them.**
David: I have to work for them?
Me: Mmhmm. (I walk out of the room)
David: (to Journey) I knew it! She didn't get me anything!
Me: (calling to him from the next room) I told you, I gave you the power to control the elements!
David: I don't want power over the elements! I want a new Pokémon game!***

*The recent events that I referenced are very serious and I understand that I may come off as insensitive to the people and their families who were affected, but I did not mean any disrespect in any way.
**I hid his presents around the house with clues attached to them to help him find the next one, Scavenger Hunt style.
*** He, in fact, got TWO new Pokémon games.

Mr. Winky

Journey and I are in the living room listening to David make his normal fighting noises in the bathroom. Once David finally comes out ...
Journey: Hey, David, who were you fighting in there?
David: A doppelganger!
Me: He was fighting Mr. Winky.
Journey: Who's Mr. Winky?
David: I kicked his furry little butt!
Me: Did you now?
David: Yes I did.
Journey: I heard Mr. Winky is funny looking!

(I have no words for how badly I wanted to laugh during this exchange.)
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Journey and I go to pick up Mark at the Tampa International Airport. Journey is looking over the top of the parking garage wall and sees the hotel next to us. From the angle we're at we're at we can only see parts of the swimming pool giving the illusion of it being heart-shaped.
Journey: Yay a pool! I want to go there! Oh wait, I can't go to that hotel.
Me: Why not?
Journey: Because it has a heart-shaped pool. I'm a little girl and I'm not supposed to go to places that have heart-shaped pools.
Me: Don't ever change.

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Our waitress asked the table next to us at Applebee's if they'd like another pitcher (of beer). Journey turns to me and says "Mommy, can we get a picture, too?"